| Author: Ruth Wells, M.S. |
Nearly one year ago, the events of September 11, amazed us all. Few counselors, teachers, social workers, foster parents, court workers or psychologists had learned in college how to aid children and teens through extreme, nearby terrorism.
Although few of us may have extensive training or experience aiding children in the midst of local terror, there are some key things to do or not do, and those items are recapped here.
On a personal note, our company, Youth Change, is based in Oregon, minutes from Oregon City, Oregon. If you recognize the name of that little city, it is because two young girls from the same apartment building died there recently at the hands of a neighbor. Beyond Oregon though, a frightening number of other girls have been abducted, killed or otherwise gravely harmed.
While the media insists that the number of such events has actually not increased, clearly the media's coverage of such events has. For those of us near the scary events, for those of us who simply watch the events in the media from afar, it can be a very frightening time. If adults can be deeply affected by nearby violence, or by simply watching the coverage, then certainly many young people-- near and far from the violence and terror-- will be greatly affected too. Combine this year of abductions and violence towards girls with the return of September 11, and next Wednesday may be a difficult day for many youngsters. The thoughts below are intended to aid you to make September 11, 2002 more tolerable for any of your children who would otherwise certainly struggle. You are welcome to reproduce this magazine for colleagues, co-workers, clients, students or parents. Here are the answers to the questions we have been hearing about how to proceed next Wednesday.
Should children or teens visit Ground Zero or engage in other potentially upsetting 9-11 activities? I have just returned from the New York City region. Did I visit Ground Zero? No. And, I know of many other adults who have elected to forgo that pilgrimage while in proximity to it. Each of us, young or not so young, may feel that we know what is best for us. It was not best for me to have that image seared into my brain anymore than it already was from TV and news magazines. The same is true for many children and teens: Listen to what the child wants, and why. Age can make a huge difference, but it isn't just about
age. Equally relevant: The child's emotional functioning, coping skill level, past personal history.
Should children and teens watch the TV coverage of 9-11 or reports on child abduction and murder incidents? The same suggestions for visiting Ground Zero, apply here. But, the younger the child, the more likely your answer should be "no". Young children are just too ill-equipped to process the sights and sounds that TV coverage offers. As a teacher, counselor, foster parent or dorm worker, there are so many ways to address 9-11 or the rash of child murders without having children view TV coverage.
Should children or teens visit shrines for missing or murdered girls?
Here in Oregon, we have seen young children, ages 6 or 7, for example, visiting shrines. If a parent were to ask me what I think about that, I would have to say that I would not take young children. Young children can comprehend frightening events, like abductions or murders to a surprising degree, but normally lack the coping skills to manage and process what they did comprehend. Because of that, I recommend special caution with children through age 11, or any child with limited ability to do complex, abstract reasoning. We need to preserve or build a sense of safety as much as possible for young children by keeping them out of proximity to frightening events, not bringing them closer.
Can you provide guidelines for what to do when the adult is unsure how to proceed on behalf of a child? First, ask the child what they want and listen to what they say, but also notice what they don't say, plus their demeanor, mannerisms, the meta-communication. Second, evaluate what can be gained or lost by the activity. For example, visiting Ground Zero or a shrine could bring some benefits but perhaps even greater harm if the child becomes deeply frightened and their sleep becomes seriously troubled. Third: Activity is a wonderful distraction. Children and teens can do all manner of tasks, such as
gathering donations or blankets for the Red Cross or other crisis charity, or making cards or posters that celebrate the resiliency of the U.S. people. In that way, you acknowledge and focus on the event, which is important, but you do it in a way that generates little risk of harm. Fourth: Limit exposure to the media. Remember even a two year-old can comprehend a building falling and find it terribly scary--again. The child may not understand that it didn't just happen again. Remember, just overhearing news coverage that others are watching can cause harm.
So, how do you suggest teachers and counselors mark Wednesday with children? You must acknowledge September 11, or else any fear is stuffed down, and that's not the message you want to sent. I love to see youngsters make a contribution in some way, so while an age-appropriate, time-limited discussion of the facts of 9/11/01 is fine, perhaps it can be combined with doing
something. Doing can give a sense of mastery, control and power when both older and younger humans can feel pretty small and impotent. Specific suggestions: Visit a home for the elderly and learn from World War II vets; visit a mosque and build some cultural bonds; make lists of coping methods for teens and share them with everyone else at your school or agency--even
simply taking cookies to your local police or fire department can occupy your young minds while building a sense of control, and teaching community service.
Why are some kids oblivious to 9/11 and the recent violence to girls, while others are devastated by it? There are many reasons, but here are some of the top ones. First, children who are in proximity to the frightening events will be more frightened, and stay frightened longer. That is normal. Second, often children who have already experienced severe or recent crisis or loss will experience new, bad events as a re-capitulation of what they have already lived through. That's normal too. Third, some kids are more resilient than others, or have a greater capacity for denial, which may not be a bad thing in some cases. Fourth, children with emotional problems will often feed on the fear, and not let go. Fifth, the age of the child can leave one child terrified to sleep alone, while another child is terrified of not getting to tickets to see Britney Spears.
Any other suggestions for next Wednesday?
Yes, if your job permits this focus, be sure your young people have good coping skills (talking it out instead of acting it out, for example). Also, if this is a possible part of your job, be sure your students have learned about staying safe from predators. That needs to start at an early age. If you can also help your students accomplish a sense of peace, understanding or acceptance about the state of our world right now, then you will have done an impossible job exceptionally well.
What if I run into something I do not feel prepared to manage?
Long before September 11, 2001, Youth Change has been the place to turn for youth professionals. If you need practical, sound, real-world assistance, our Live Expert Help is available at our site for youth professionals only: Visit
our webpage during Pacific Time Zone business hours. The return of September 11, combined with the violence towards so many young girls, may make your job harder than ever. Our job is to help you help your children, especially in these uniquely difficult times for children.
Want more information on working with students during times of grief, crisis or trauma? Here are two suggestions for follow-up:
Our original guide to working with children after September 11, 2001, posted one year ago is a very thorough resource. Find it at our website. Long before September 11, 2001, our "Breakthrough Strategies to Teach and Counsel Troubled Youth Workshop" provided comprehensive coverage on how to work with children and youth who are coping with trauma, grief and pain. Financial aid work study is available to help you to attend. Call us to get the details and to sign up for our next class. You can also get this class on video or DVD, or bring the class to your entire team. Let us know how we can help you help your troubled children and youth. |
Author Bio:
Get much more information on this topic at www.youthchg.com and theclassroommanagementsite.com. See hundreds more of innovative, problem-stopping interventions at the Youth Change web site. Ruth Wells MS is the director of Youth Change. Ruth is the author of dozens of books including the popular Temper and Tantrum Tamers, Turn On the Turned-Off Student, Last Chance School Success Guide and Maximum-Strength Motivation-Makers. She annually trains hundreds of teachers, counselors and youth professionals in staff development workshops, conferences, seminars and in-service throughout the country. Get free samples and see 100s more of her problem-stopping interventions at Youth Change's web site. Ruth is the author of dozens of books and ebooks, and conducts professional development workshops. Please visit us at our website at www.youthchg.com or feel free to call us at 1-800-545-5736. |
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