Elias is caught between the two women he loves, his wife and his mother. His wife Miriam is quite upset and hurt because she does not feel accepted by her mother-in-law and also because she feels Elias does not protect her from her mother-in-law's criticism and intrusions into their lives. He does not draw the line for his mother, and limit how much say she can have in their lives. He does not put her in her place.

Of course, his mother has the same complaint about Elias's not forcing his wife to be more respectful. Is he charge or isn't he? She thinks he should be more the man of the house and not let his wife control him.

His wife feels he should grow up and not let his mother dictate his behavior.

Miriam wants to be accepted into Elias' family. She is happy to serve and help his mother, but not keep the house, raise the children or live her life according to his mother's ideas. She feels insecure. She feels she is being constantly doubted, that no one has faith in her ability to raise her children, cook or maintain a household.

His mother, on the other hand, believes she is just trying to help. She has had many years of experience raising four children who turned out fine. Why wouldn't Miriam want her advice? She loves her son Elias and wants the best for him, and that is why she tries to help Miriam become a better wife.

Elias is afraid of both of them. He does not want conflicts. He cannot communicate effectively with either of them. He wishes they would just solve their problem between themselves and not involve him.

He can find no solution because whenever he speaks to his wife, she sounds right, but when he goes to speak to his mother, she also seems right. Thus, he avoids them both as much as possible.

Both women alternate between the roles of "victim" and "interrogator" and Elias becomes "aloof" as much as he can. There are times, however, when he cannot stand it any longer and shouts at them, but they seldom take him seriously because he himself is afraid of conflict.

What do they all need to learn from this situation?

Miriam: Does she need to learn some of the following lessons:

To love and accept her mother-in-law as she is and forgive her for her weaknesses and negativity?

To express her needs and feelings more clearly, more lovingly and more assertively?

To free herself from feeling guilty when she is unable satisfy her mother-in-law's needs or demands?

To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty or believing there will necessarily be a conflict, or that the other will stop loving her?

To believe that her mother-in-law can hear the truth and discuss any situation maturely like an adult?

To free herself from childhood experiences in which she was programmed to believe others would not respect her needs, or would criticize her or be unable to communicate peacefully?

To cultivate more positive feelings toward her mother-in-law?

To look for her positive qualities and see her as a teacher there to test her ability to love unconditionally?

To workout some types of practical agreements in which all feel that some of their needs are being fulfilled?

Elias: Does he need to learn some of the following lessons:

To overcome his fear of conflict?

To learn to express his opinions and needs clearly without fearing there will be conflict?

To let them work it out for themselves?

To see if there is apart of himself that is being expressed by his wife toward his mother and by his mother toward his wife?

To learn to love and accept them as they are?

To not be bothered by their conflicts?

To be more assertive.

His Mother: That her daughter-in-law needs to learn by herself and not through her advise?

To let go of her son?

To have more confidence in her daughter-in-law and give advice only when asked?

To occupy herself with other interests so she does not dwell so much on her son's family?

Let us hope they find the maturity necessary to analyze themselves, identify their lessons and decide to change themselves so they can once again find harmony and love.