Identify what you want your child To Doboth in the moment and long term. Children need to know what To Do rather than what, Not to Do. There is a scientific reason why children need to know what To Do. The brain is like a computer. A computer is programmed with what To Donot what Not to Do. That is how a childs brain worksit operates on what To Do. For example: If your child is touching something you do not want touched, teach your child to look at the item. If it is something that is used, such as a stereo, teach your child some things are for adults only or teach your child which buttons or knobs to turn or push. Children as young as 18 months can learn to push or turn knobs and buttons. However, the focus needs to be on telling your child what To Do. If your child is preverbal simply direct (distract) the child away from whatever she/he is doing, instead of yelling, No or hitting your child. Encourage your child to engage in the behavior you want or approximations of the behavior. Reward small steps. Use consequences consistent with the transgression instead of spanking. Remember to praise immediately for the behavior you want or point it out in a positive way. Take deep breaths or walk away if you are losing your composure or are frustrated and want to scream or hit. "There never was a time when a major social problem was solved by beating [hitting/spanking]a child. And there never will be such a time... For centuries adults have injured children and have lied about it, and other adults have heard those lies and then merely turned away... we must begin putting the blame where it belongs." . -- C. Everett Koop, M.D., Sc. D The following books are excellent resources for alternatives to screaming/yelling, spanking or hitting. -Case Against Spanking, Irwin Hyman -Without Spanking or Spoiling, Elizabeth Crary -Instead of Spanking-1001 Alternatives, Vol. 2, Adah Maurer -Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking, Jerry Wyckoff -One Hundred One Alternatives to Nagging, Yelling or Spanking, Alvin Price |
