What do you consider when looking at a mortgage?

The first thing is probably the monthly cost. The second is probably what the mortgage will cost you over the life of the loan. What about the up-front cash costs? Do you ask if you can prepay without penalty? Is the rate fixed or adjustable? Do you look at the little details that can pop up and bite you later?

A lot of people look at more than just the numbers when financing or refinancing their homes.

In fact, consumers are more than just the numbers and terms. The mortgage package that they choose is often based on who they are -- their fears, preconceived notions and needs. For many consumers, the need to hear "yes" supersedes often the best terms.

There are many different categories that borrowers could be placed in. They include:

Affluent, yet financially unsure

Financially challenged

Financially confident

Technophobes

Technophiles

Afraid or angry

The fear of rejection and the need to hear "yes" is prevalant in all of the categories. According to experts, it leads to three different actions in borrowing money.

The first is that most borrowers that need to hear "yes" will avoid using their personal bank for obtaining their mortgage. The reason is that they don't want to face someone who rejected them on a regular basis. This can often lead a consumer to miss out on the special way that many lender treat long-term customers. After years of positive business with a bank, a borrower may find that they are starting with an already established level of trust.

The second action is that the borrower will develop an overwhelming reliance on the Realtor and mortgage broker. They will trust the professionals to make their decisions. You simply cannot do this in business transactions. You have to realize that everyone is out for themselves. The seller's agent is often looking to get the most they can out of you. The mortgage broker wants you to borrow as much as possible at as high a rate as possible. You have to be confident enough to trust your own decisions. If not, turn to an independent third-party for advice.

The third result of the need to hear "yes" is that the borrower will settle for the first lender that says yes. This eliminates their shopping around for the best rates and the best terms.

Borrowing money is very psychological. We want approval. Yes, we'd like the best possible mortgage, but more than that, we want respect and to feel as if the lender is our friend. Lenders know this, so you should too.

They know that many people will pay higher interest rates in order to gain acceptance without any problems.

What do you do?

First, accept that you want to hear yes. Then accept that you might hear no. Believe me, it isn't the end of the world. Simply try again. Make sure that you ask why you were turned down and what you could improve on to be considered. Consider a no as a way to improve yourself for the future.

Next, remember that you are worth the best possible rates and terms. Don't just settle for a mortgage with a high rate because you don't want to ask. Ask that you be given the best rate for someone with your financial standing. It helps to know what your credit report and score look like. There are lenders out there that will quote your "poor credit score" as a reason for high interest rates, when in fact you have a good credit score. They are betting on your ignorance.

When it comes to choosing a mortgage, you must keep in mind that you are the one with the choice. You can choose who you want to handle your business. Let the lender prove his company worthy of you, not the other way around.